Rap 31 Erratic Behavior? - Rap is not my own ability. Gospel, R&B and country are also in my self expression. With stuff with a Mo-Town feel too. Now is just me expressing some anger productively. I am Pyschologically Sound and Self healing. ‘Very good at redirecting my energy from experiences to creatively manage my behavior into something positive.’ Which, is a response skimmed from my notes. “It’s about the music.” “Because the world needs a positive outlet and we can show them how.” It’s powerful and selfless. Because, “there is a time limit on this stuff.” But who will admit what I have been doing? I never wanted this fight. I begged and I still moved on. You robbed me notably a 3rd time.

Rap 31: Erratic Behavior? “really Cedric! Really!” ~ Think like a man.

If coming in and sitting down doing the work is erratic behavior. Then I suppose a “passported black man” who’s professionally traveled the world to work is erratic too? Up by 6am and out of the office by 10pm is erratic. Lunch time at the same time every day is erratic. Coffee Sundays is just as Erratic. I suppose I’m an addict for strict timelines and productivity is my addiction.

Coming in doing the meetings, professionally dressed, practicing the material, and taking the training, clean, and intolerant to disrespectful behavior is an issue. It’s not religious it’s just good manners. I don’t say a word. I make a note and comment, “is this regular behavior. I’m over trying to change it if it’s just something to be accepted? I made a note to you. So what you gonna do?” Until I read this is not normal and now I’m obligated to do something about it. I don’t want to be liable for something I didn’t condone or don’t have no control over. So then I find you just got micro-culture and you too big, so you ignore it.”

Clearly I’m different from you. But, I do my part and walk away. Come to find out. I’m the target of everything you never wanted to be said. But what exactly did I say? Nothing. I just refused a non-condition. 

I didn’t need permission to say no. 

So now I’m sitting here being different and displaying none of the behaviors I’m seeing. The most consistent individual you ever did see. I talk normal, I walk now with a limp, and I can’t tell you the truth of my reality because you have connected parties trying to draw lines around me. 

So now there is a lot of chalk in the air. Pissed off because you cutting my hair. Waiting for the smoke to settle. I’m not going to be on the floor when the smoke settle. 

Consider this a verbal fire. 

No warnings to spare. 

The only erratic behavior is the words I spare. 

Which are few. 

I’m direct, specific, and don’t miss my meaning. 

I don’t agree with targeted measure. I don’t make threats, i had a good head on my shoulders, someone sent down the chop, on this block, and tried spinning my head often,

So I duck, and let the water roll off my back. I got shot before, so before I left, I covered my nut sack, “okay. I still got my balls.” 

I never wanted in the street to gang bang. But with this rep how do I even maintain? 

I’m ready to abc the world. Just to maintain. But, my heart isn’t in it. But if Yeezy did it. How do I even win it? 

Trying to push me to desperation, to use my soul. Resourceful is my body and soul. But I still got money and game in it. So I just decide to spit it. 

Using what is did, to drop the charges. But I’m still on limbo. Trying to fight these charges, emotionally electrified. I got eyes on my back, while I’m turned and flipped for an inception trying to dominate me in my sleep. Still a tough mountain to climb, I’m just getting started and the earth is in my wake.

But before I opened my mouth, she messaged her volva, and the words I tried to speak eroded, now I know why the Rabbit had a shuddering problem. 

I’m not messing with that cat if my life depended on it. I don’t have a confidence problem, I got cut up and tech places and one problem. This Bi@;$ is one. 

So excuse me if I decide not to show you erratic behavior. The only thing more disciplined than my actions is my mind. Which is simply now all to easy to vibrate and change a pattern. 

I never did a thing erratic in my life. And that’s the behavior you trying to change. I’m just not the “black image” you trying to maintain. 

On the Rabbit.

Too creative.

Too resourceful.

Too imaginative.

Too accomplished.

Too thoughtful.

Too much stuff to take.

What was all that schoolen for if it was all yours to take. And the only excuse is, a made up action of Rickie Lake, but I can’t have my own show. So when it’s time to reveal, I just turned out to be broke and a joke. 

I did it the right way. I went the right way. And still. I was targeted and robbed anyway. It was all planned out. 

It just went the wrong way. I been rolling in fire and the deep and coals. But I didn’t do the offense. I just wrote while I was on the fence. In trouble because I was on the fence. Excuse I was living in mild weather. But I seen enemies on all sides. How can I be erratic when one false move is a tight rope fall that I wrote in my notes. That you have. That you used. That I never cared much for. Just thought I’d get what I need and be gone in 5 years two at the least. I made some promises I fully intended to keep. $50,000,000 was the goal. I don’t fall short. I’m just the one who can’t collect. ‘If ni&&$ hate then let them hate and watch the money pile up. Or we can go up side their head with a bottle above’. 

I don’t hate, I had a rake in my hand. I was practicing to scrape. 

Back to the rabbit.

You don’t find me in the club.

I don’t do no drugs.

Most nights except a few, I’m in before the street lights come on.

And I don’t run and chase after women for a quick meal. I make them. 

So what exactly is the erratic behavior? 

I’m not an internet Gagster. I don’t act tough in the streets. I lived a respectful life. Understanding culture. And living my values. I don’t speak disrespect. I consider your life. I don’t know what you been through. But when I show up to speak my mind. You don’t have sound disrupting you. Or a constant fear of a tech that can destroy your tissue. I’m talking my life. I’m talking knowing how talking “get you shot.” But not talking got me “sh@$” anyway but someone showing up letting me know, “this is how I’m eating.” When I just seen a man who could use a meal. To remind him how life is and that this is how much I care. And this is what I could give you. 

You got everyone else, cleaning up, because “He’a not a Marine. He just talented.” But I’m practiced, skilled, and every single breath is a moment to come back. 1% chance and I’m still back. So what exactly am I not? What exactly have I not done? I may not have a bar. But I still got bars. The gold is just in your refrigerator. And “you been eating long enough.” I was never greedy. Just trying to eat off my own plate. And I’m still getting rapped. I just don’t do nothing to show you my A@&. I don’t do nothing I’m suppose to. There is no line to follow. I’m drumming, and erasing the path. I’m anti-social. No more paths. 

So besides the notes? Where’s the Erratic Behavior? When I’m kept from getting out of bed to be on my 4am game. Rebuilding Mitochondria I don’t control. A flow I don’t control. 34 and I can’t run a mile. When I been running laps my whole life. 

Been at the top and the bottom. Still consistent in approach.  Your team’s “whole style and approach I invented”. So what exactly am I in my mind? If all my thoughts are only actions? And success is just erased so you don’t know who it came from? No disrespect, but I’m where your boyfriend came from. And he showed me to you.

I just looked and understood. My notes were in the streets. I was in the streets with no metaphorical shoes. Just socks to cover my feet. I needed to walk to beat the beat. 

Note: 

-Look, I’m not overly mad, I’m creatively expressing my frustration. For being falsely accused. I don’t use curse words often. except to make a point. I was concerned about trying to think of others. But my whole life has been a bunch of misconceptions and forced profiles so people can monitor and use my real behavior for other people. Look, I know people need help and are unwell. But people use me for other things just as well. 

-When do I actually fulfill my own dreams? I have never. NEVER, been overly me focused. I try to give as much as I can. You don’t see that stuff because someone literally demolished what was there. And now when you look at me. All you do is remember the rumors you heard or the clips you seen on someone’s set up social media, light l, cameras, action. 

-also. This could be way more. I’ll sum it up and be less specific later. For flow and creativity sake. But it’s powerful already. I may not get to the studio because I’m being sold out. Sorry man, I got to quote it, “you are not your own salesman.” I never needed anyone to show up and fight the battle. I needed support and advice while I fought the battle. Turn out the battle was already decided. I’m just living out deal already won. And the dearest thing I lost was my beverage company. While you chemically altered me to seem docile. Erratic Behavior is the biggest smoke and mirrors. I don’t need anyone to be pleasantly surprised anymore. I wasn’t faking, acting. I just was focused on helping a family who never needed help. Now I see that. And all that creativity when I did create it. Was stolen, or used because my focus was elsewhere. Now I am only focused on myself. And I’m villainized in passing for it. (Still rapping. Just a brain pattern recorded. Because who will actually see my blog?) someone learned to effectively trigger from my notes. But I worked to get you to see you needed to change because of how you were being run in. You doing it to reveal something I was already going to do myself. So, you just practicing what I already refined.